


The Last Time I Saw Your Face

by Bluesy_Deth



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Natasha, Bruce's helicarrier transformation, Bruce's transformation in NYC, Gen, Self Loathing, The Avengers (2012) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 20:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluesy_Deth/pseuds/Bluesy_Deth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last time Bruce saw Natasha on the helicarrier, she was pinned under debris and anxiously asking if they were alright.  He may not remember what happens when he hulks out but he knows it’s never good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Time I Saw Your Face

He was the only one who’d seen the results of the gamma ray scan in the moments before the attack on the helicarrier. His last memory was Natasha, her foot caught under a pipe, declaring they were alright over the comm; then, looking at him and seeing the change begin, she’d asked if they actually were. He’d been too far gone to do more than recognize the fear in her eyes as she realized things weren’t going well with him. When he came back to his senses, he didn’t know what had happened or if anyone was left. 

All he could think to do was to head to Stark Tower- see if anything could be done or if it was all gone already. He didn’t have hope but he also didn’t have an alternative. He couldn’t just walk away from what he’d learned and, actually, Tony Stark was the most interesting mind he’d encountered or been challenged by in years. Those hours had been the most stimulating in longer than he could calculate. At the least, he needed to know if the inventor was alright. And, if he let himself admit it, Natasha, too- had she survived his transformation? When that thought tried to flit across his mind he’d physically shake his head to dispel it before it completely formed. It left a horrible feeling in his gut and his mouth went dry. Except for his test of her on the outskirts of Calcutta, except that moment when she’d pulled the gun and assessed him right back, she’d also been a breath of fresh air. Someone (“some woman” was the echo of a whisper in his head) who spoke to him like a person although she knew what he could become. If she wasn’t alive, he’d mourn the loss of that, of her- nearly a stranger…

The fight in the air was visible before he reached the damaged streets of the city. He followed the sounds and came upon them- a quartet of already dirty and worn fighters. Captain America, Thor, Natasha and who he thought could be Hawkeye from the footage he’d seen on the helicarrier. He hadn’t been able to look directly at her as if he was afraid she was a mirage or a hallucination of his desperate mind- he’d looked at the carnage, known they’d created it instead of the Other Guy, for once, known it was bad and it wasn’t over.

“So, this all seems,” he paused, “horrible?” Trying the word on to see how it fit.

She spoke, not a hallucination then (amazing, this woman), “I’ve seen worse.” It was a knife to the heart that twisted mercilessly. Less than he likely deserved but it hurt.

“Sorry.” Looking at her now, apology in his anxious dark eyes.

She thought a scant moment. Then relented. “No, we could use a little ‘worse.’” Acceptance of the apology (acceptance of the man?) and holding out a little hope that he could be useful, be worth something. It was new, this idea planted by Tony and now reinforced by the spy. Acknowledged and reinforced moments later by Captain America asking him to become angry. He who could never be at peace, he who couldn’t believe in the possibility of a silver lining, he who didn’t feel he deserved either. He complied and, for the first time, chose to become the loathed and feared Other; chose to release that beast upon the World.

Much later, he would try to broach the subject of what happened on the helicarrier with her. “Don’t go there. It’s over and you didn’t kill anyone,” she’d assured him. She’d also elicited the promise that he’d never watch the surveillance footage. He felt cowardice at the relief such kindness provided but promised and felt resolution anyway. The only one who had the right to demand he know what he’d done had chosen mercy- this forgiveness and absolution she offered because it was clear they were needed. When they then parted, his last thought was his first hope since the Other Guy had Become. ‘May that last time I saw fear on your face be the last time he came out without usefulness, without being wanted.’


End file.
